Sixteen years ago I flew from San Francisco to Newark, NJ. I made the choice nearly a month before to move and was experiencing the action of that decision. It’s so easy to judge or question where to find the evidence or proof that we are making the right choice, when we made the initial choice purely from what feels right. Hindsight is 20/20 and filled with so much wisdom.
When I look back and remember how I was feeling when I made that initial choice to move, I’m filled with the same feeling 16 years later (more on this later). Back then (and like now), it started with a whisper, a calling or knowing.
In July 2001, I heard, felt, or had the thought “move to NYC.” In all my life, I’ve never had a desire to move there. Seven months prior over the Christmas and New Year holidays, I visited NYC. I didn’t LOVE it and I didn’t HATE it. It was alright. It was cold. It was fun while it lasted and I could see the appeal.
Anyway, a few days after receiving that idea to move, I was at home looking through the Sunday paper. I always enjoyed reading my weekly horoscope, playing my favorite find the differences between the two comic images and flipping through the Target ad! As soon as I spotted the cover, I was excited because splashed across the front was a luggage set on sale! I found it so strange that my body reacted in such a way over luggage. It’s not that I was on the market for it. Then I remembered the whisper.
Now, let me be clear back then I was a lot more skeptical about signs and co-creating. Very early days. I was more like a taste tester or sample eater in my connection with the Universe. Kind of like walking through Costco, I’d sample when something looked or smelled appetizing, I’d try it. This was one of those moments.
So, what did I do? I asked for confirmation of this sign that my body involuntarily reacted to. And my brother was a witness to it.
“Alright Universe, I hear you and am asking that if this exact luggage is available for me to purchase, I will move.”
Show me what you’ve got. I will hold up my end of this deal. Prove it to me.
About an hour later, my brother and I were in the car heading to the Target across from my office. Going into the office on a Sunday? Yep. Such a different life as a young 22 year old woman working at a high tech public relations agency. Oh, and I didn’t mention that a week prior I didn’t have the best annual review - not horrible, I just believed I earned more than what I received. It was THAT feeling that prompted (in retrospect) being open to the idea of moving. Maybe the combination was another sign that I wasn’t where I needed to be?
Anyway, back to it. I’m driving 20 minutes to San Mateo with my brother. I asked him where I should go first, “Work or Target? What do you think?” “Target,” he says.
We get to Target and I ask where to find the luggages. As we walk down the main aisle, I notice a luggage at the end of the aisle. Could it be MY luggage?
Yep. The last one.
I’m shocked as I walk up to it.
Mouth open and looking at my brother and then the luggage in disbelief.
My answer was in my hands.
He gave me the “well, what are you going to do?” look that only younger siblings can give.
I made the promise that I’d honor the answer received.
I wasn’t scared.
I was excited.
It felt so right.
So, I wheeled that baby to register. It’s happening. Here we go.
I get to the office and my first call was to my aunts in New Jersey asking if I can live with them and shared my moving plans. Thankfully, they said yes.
I hung up. It was done. It was right. This was really happening. Woah.
When I look back on that time, I see how much courage, knowing and trust I had to feel to make such a move. I’ve moved within California for school. This was different. It was my very first milestone moment in my life trusting the whispers, asking for signs and taking a big leap of faith to follow a path that I didn’t foresee or plan.
When you’re young the plan in many ways feels set and filled with expectations or is engrained in you by family and society...go to school, get a job, get married, have some kids and retire. Where was moving to ANOTHER STATE part of my plan? At the time my “city” was San Francisco. While I was born there, New York City would really make me. I had no idea that move to the East Coast would only move me closer to becoming. Becoming who I am today. All the choices, moments both happy, sad and unexpected. The results of that choice to listen, to trust myself and something greater than myself long ago continues to have a profound influence on me.
It’s a beautiful thing to see how the momentum of steps and choices that feel right can carry you into new places and experiences. HOWEVER, while you’re in it, it can feel uncertain, scary, and filled with doubt!!! It’s in these moments when I look back to the last time I felt this way and I’m reminded how I navigated through it. A deeper sense of trust in this process starts to put me at ease.
I appreciate that choice now, more than ever, especially at this time. I feel the same sense of not knowing where this path may lead me. Correction. I know that it will bring me closer and closer to living and being the woman I’m meant to be. My evolution is evidence of that.
What do I choose 16 years later?
I choose to trust myself and knowing despite lack of evidence.
I choose to feel it all in service to helping others feel and heal.
I choose NYC as my home. I’m my best self here.
I choose the uncharted path.
I choose to guide and bear witness to others moving along their uncharted paths.
I choose to be open and receptive to divine signs.
I choose to believe everyone along my path is helping me move forward.
I choose grace and ease, please.
I’m filled with curiosity as to where I’ll be and who I’ll be in 16 years. If the last 16 are any indication of where I’m heading. I. Cannot. Wait.